By Lisa Ann Sharpe, AAML

Have you ever walked into a hospital where nothing feels familiar, the language is foreign, the surroundings are sterile and you’re bracing yourself for bad news? For many clients, stepping into a lawyer’s office or logging into a Zoom consultation feels much the same. And sometimes, a client calls from their car because it’s the only private place they have to talk, an instant reminder of how precarious and overwhelming their situation feels.

Some arrive reeling from the shock of betrayal, having just discovered infidelity or financial dishonesty. Others come to us after years of enduring a difficult or abusive marriage. In both cases, the stress of divorce compounds with past experiences, often leaving clients anxious, disoriented or unable to clearly articulate their needs.

 What is Trauma?

Trauma can be defined as the body and mind’s lasting response to overwhelming stress. In the divorce context, trauma may come from betrayal, financial abuse, domestic violence or simply the collapse of what a client thought was stable and secure. Trauma impacts memory, concentration and communication, all essential for effective client intake.

As practitioners, this reality can be frustrating. Trauma-impacted clients may present in one of two extremes: either unable to give you any usable narrative, or offering a torrent of details and sometimes a “word salad” of unrelated facts and emotions. In both scenarios, it can feel nearly impossible to steer the conversation productively. But a trauma-informed approach allows us to meet clients where they are and create space for them to feel heard while still gathering the information we need.

Seven Tips for Trauma-Informed Client Intakes

1. Use a Pre-Intake Questionnaire
   Send structured questions in advance. This gives clients time to organize their thoughts, and it gives you a roadmap to keep the intake on track.
2. Set the Space (Physical or Virtual)
   Whether in your office or on Zoom, ensure the environment is welcoming. Comfortable seating, good lighting and privacy signals safety and respect.
3. Start with Mirror Listening
   Echo back what clients say in short, validating phrases. This helps them feel understood and often calms their pace of disclosure. Here are three practical examples of mirroring questions and statements you can use in an intake to both validate and guide a trauma-impacted client:
   • Reflective Check-In
     “What I heard you say is that you’re worried about your children adjusting to two households. Did I understand that correctly?”
   • Clarifying Mirror
     “It sounds like you feel blindsided by your spouse’s financial decisions. Can you tell me more about when you first noticed the issue?”
   • Emotion + Fact Mirror
     “You’ve shared that this discovery has been very painful, and at the same time you’re trying to make sense of the financial details. Which part feels most urgent for us to focus on today?”
4. Break Down the Timeline 
   Instead of “Tell me what brings you here today,” guide them through periods: “Can you share what happened in the last year?” This narrows the focus.
5. Allow Silence
   Pausing after a client’s response can encourage reflection and help them slow down without you having to interject forcefully.
6. Redirect with Care
   When clients spiral into irrelevant details, gently redirect: “That’s important. I’ll make a note. Let’s circle back to your financial picture for now.”
7. Normalize the Experience
   Reassure clients that difficulty communicating under stress is common. This reduces shame and builds trust in your process.

Why This Matters

A trauma-informed intake does more than gather facts; it sets the tone for the attorney-client relationship. When clients feel respected and safe, they’re better able to process legal advice and engage productively in their case. For us as lawyers, this approach reduces frustration and increases efficiency, allowing us to focus on advocacy instead of struggling to get the story.

Just as a good doctor translates the unfamiliar world of medicine into understandable terms, we as family lawyers must translate the frightening world of divorce into a process where clients feel supported, informed, and empowered.

Lisa Ann Sharpe is a leading Seattle family law attorney, specializing in high-asset divorce, prenups and parenting plans